Spinning

Remember when you were a kid on that schoolyard contraption that you push, running in a circle and then hop on, trying to avoid smacking your shins on the edge? You ran as fast as you could in the dirt groove with the cold, metal pole in your hands as you give it your all. Then you dove on, laying flat to feel the out-of-control sensation as blood rushed to your head. Everything around you was a blur, but yet you were smiling, giddy, laughing. I would hang my head off the edge, so that I was also seeing everything upside-down. This would also sometimes lead to a sick feeling in my stomach, but it was my favorite thing to do at recess.

As an adult, I have periods of time that give me this same feeling. Everything's going so fast, it's such a blur. Can I hold on? When will it stop spinning? Most of the time this occurs from just before Halloween and doesn’t stop until Christmas. Most of the stuff is good: hockey starts, I prepare costumes that I love, decorate the house, carve pumpkins, buy gifts, eat, eat, eat, prepare for snow, fun things.

It’s the time of my life, and the craziest, most stressful, fastest-paced blur of event to event. Parties, dinners, games, all inter-mingled with regular life. Right now I’m in that sick-in-the-stomach feeling stage. I’m trying to hold on, maintain control, when really I should throw my head back and enjoy the whirl.

If you catch me whispering to myself, this is what I’m saying:

Let go.
Let go.
Let go.