indecision

Lately J and I have been faced with problems making decisions. Not only together, as a team, but also individually. These decisions have come in all forms, big and small, life-changing and environment changing. Should we get a new car? Should we get new carpet? Should we take some time off together? How about a change in jobs? What is this uncertainty?

Part of me thinks that we are in a rut. We have lost our vision of where we are going and what we want. Perhaps all of the choices we make every day have wearied us from clearly seeing our path. We are bombarded every waking minute by ads, signs, voices, friends, family, magazines, all telling us what we should buy or how we should live. Perhaps this constant barrage has overwhelmed us.

Or, are we just more mature? In youth, we know what we want and we go get it. If we don't know what we want, we fake it. But, there is no fear of the unknown or of the "what might happen". As adults, we know the grass isn't always greener. It needs the same care and maintenance as the grass we currently have. It might also have hidden problems. Maybe we should watch for a while and see what pops up in the spring. It could be full of nasty weeds. Perhaps, it is an illusion of being greener, being better, but, in fact, our grass is better. So, we wait. Suspended in time we pause.

But, every indecision is a decision. A very passive way of choosing a way. Instead of saying, "this is what I want", we say "let's think about it". We decide to do nothing (by not deciding) and opportunities (or not) pass us by. We float along with all these decisions suspended around us like a whirlwind. Sometimes they are in our faces and we consider them. Sometimes they are behind us and we forget they are there.

Funny enough, I can't decide if this is a bad thing or not.